In the Shadow

When in the vines of love
the tangle of emotions leading
over the railing and hanging
there is found a mystery of the weaving of lives and hearts

And there in the midst
of the rain and shadows
of the love that is hiding
in the garden where the roots in the soil
hide and toil
seeking only the nourishment of folly
and the peace of the rain falling softly

When the sun finally sets and
and the sky is filled with the hues
of your broken heart
remember...
the wind blows again

Christmas

Another Christmas has come and gone. Again the magic of Santa has filled my head and heart - I find each year there are presents under the tree that I either have no idea how they got there or that I have no idea how we afforded to get them. God always provides, but it seems like a magical presence of Santa. Once again we were blessed to have both kids home - I don't know how long it will be like that, but I know the time is dwindling. As they get older and have job responsibilities, the time home has grown smaller; I know when they have families, this time will change once more. I have relished, absolutely immersed myself in the enjoyment of their company, the sound of laughter, and the joy expressed through smiles on their faces. I do love my family! I have been overcome with heartfelt thanks that my husband has had some time off and been here to enjoy the memories made this year. It is the simple ability to provide and the time to be together that has made this Christmas so wonderful - the gift of love surrounding our table and sitting together in each room. I am so thankful, and I know it all only possible through the greatest gift - the Christmas gift - and I feel so undeserving. Another Christmas has come and gone, and there is a joy I feel through the memories made that will linger as the magic for me this year.

Thanksgiving

I am so thankful! I have been home since last Friday afternoon - a break from work - and I have been cleaning like crazy until yesterday. I have never enjoyed cleaning as much as I have those 3 days! Yesterday I began the cooking. I have been cooking and cleaning from cooking pretty much straight through but not at a frenzied pace. I have never enjoyed cooking and cleaning from cooking so much! My daughter came home yesterday, and my son will be here this evening. I am so happy to have the house filled with family and the kids' dogs!

I have been fixing our traditional Thanksgiving favorites, and I am so thankful we are able to put all this food on the table. God is so good to have allowed us to have it. As I prepare the favorites, I pull out my mom's dishes to keep things in until they're served tomorrow. The chicken salad bowl (the one she always used for chicken salad and marinated steaks growing up - I don't think I ever remember that dish having anything but chicken salad or marinated steaks in it) is now filled with chicken salad. It is not her chicken salad. My chicken salad or at least the one I make for Thanksgiving, has evolved over the years to be a combination of mom's and my husband's favorite - his mom's. I make several different chicken salads, but the Thanksgiving one is pretty much the same each year - the only question being whether it will have olives each year. Mom's sweet potato dish is filled with her sweet potato casserole - well, except it isn't her recipe this year since I didn't have oranges or sherry. I added Cream of Banana instead, and I must say, the test taste was yummy!!! The mashed potato bowl is filled with mashed potatoes - just waiting for the oven tomorrow to heat everything! We'll have Honey Baked ham but decided against turkey since it seems to be everyone's least favorite. Rolls, stuffing, green beans, carrots, creamed corn, cranberry sauce, and gravy will round out the meal. The pumpkin pie is yet to be made, but Liv and I will do that tonight, and everyone will help make the cheese pumpkins for it tomorrow -a tradition! The pecan pie is in the freezer. The brownies - well the second batch of them - are about to be started.

I called my precious mother this morning. I was lamenting the fact that my Williamsburg stuffing spoon she and my daddy bought me has corroded. It is such a good stuffing spoon. It will be sad not to have it tomorrow. I told my mom all about using her dishes to put our family favorites in for tomorrow's meal. I didn't tell her, but I think she could tell how much I love knowing I am using her dishes! I have such warm memories of my mom fixing different dishes in the kitchen. She used to love to cook so much! My precious mother wishes us a happy Thanksgiving and told me to tell my husband and kids how much she loves them. She said she loves me too. I love her so much and am so thankful to have had her in my life for so long!!! She is a rare jewel, a charm, a real Southern pearl, and I am blessed to call her Mom!

Seasonal teachings

It is fall - by the calendar, by the temperatures, by the leaves on the trees, by football, and by the amount of grading and time spent on school. It is fall. God is teaching me so much. I treasure things I took for granted - true. Lately though, the biggest lessons are in learning to allow myself free time, showing time and consistency to those who need it, remembering to just do the work - the work He called me to do, and allowing myself to savor moments.

Free time - I could spend every waking moment working. My house is a mess - I work. My closet needs weeding - I work. My base boards are dusty - I work. My body needs care - I work. My pictures need sorting - I work. My friends need letters or at least e-mails encouraging them - I work. My children need a text message letting them know I love them - or maybe I need that... I need the contact with them. They're probably just fine. I work.

I am doing the work I was called to do, and I know being in the center of His will is where I need to be. I need to be content with that and not dwell on the things I miss. I do need to take some time away from work though - my husband deserves my time, and I deserve some time. It is okay for me to take time.

Time and consistency - is there a theme here? I have a class that needs time and consistency, and I must not get caught up in the time and pacing of the curriculum guide. They need the skills, and I am afforded the luxury of allowing them the time to get the skills rather than having to keep pace with a certain calendar of benchmarks.

Do the work - His work. I just need to stay focused and remember I am blessed. He will not let His work go undone or not be done correctly. He will use me to get done what He has for me to do, and I need to let Him do it and not stress over getting it done immediately.

Thank you, God, for teaching me!

Sitting on the beach
listening to the waves
coming in, going out
I feel the stress melt away
with each coming and going

It's as if something reaches inside him
with the coming and
pulls and releases what he can't let go of at home
pulls it completely out of him
and pulls it back into the ocean where
it is dispersed through the water

This happens to me too
It doesn't matter how often I am there
With each wave - stress is released and disperses
I can feel my heart slow
I can feel my eyes relax
My breaths seem to take on the rhythm of the water

I know this is my home, my peaceful place

Do you see yourself? Do you even see the reflection in the mirror? Do you hear yourself? Do you hear the words that come from your mouth? I am amazed - but not at how utterly and ridiculously hard you make it for your daughter; no - I am amazed at my God! I am amazed that He thinks enough of me, considers what I am facing enough, or even cares enough about ME to make sure I am affirmed and encouraged after what you unloaded on me. He is amazing!! I thank you God for loving me enough!!!

He is in everything

So, I've been struggling lately with my life. I don't want to be working outside the home, and honestly, it has affected my attitude. I am thankful I have a job - in times like these, one needs to remember having a job is a blessing. And that is just it - I have found I need to remind myself to count my blessings. I look for God in glimpses throughout my day, and He always shows Himself.

On my way to work at 6:45 when it is too dark for me to see well while driving, I get to watch the sky find the first shimmer of a new day. God paints the sky in the most beautiful colors, and really, He didn't have to make it that way. I love watching the color flood the rest of the world. It reminds me of how He floods my life with blessings and how He loves me and through me.

During the day when a student comes to me with a problem and is thankful I have an ear willing and ready, I am reminded He called me to where I am, and He has work there for me to do for Him. The times I get to see a student use the gifts He has given them to create something in class are nothing short of amazing! When I laugh with my students over something someone has said, and I can truly appreciate the sense of humor pervading my classroom, I know He is there - giving me more reason to be thankful.

I struggle - but mainly when I fail to start the day with His plan instead of my own. When I watch the colors spread across the sky in the mornings, I need to see that as His plan spreading across the sky and to send a prayer of thanks to Him for letting me play a small part in His work.