Here we grow again

Wow - so, I was sitting at home the other night just watching television - Parenthood, I think it was. All of a sudden I break down in tears, sobbing really, over the fact that my first born is graduating from college this May. I mean I am happy for him and excited for what the future holds. He is an incredible man. I was just mourning the loss of raising children. I have heard we never stop parenting and never stop caring, but it just hit me how much is gone, has flown by, and how much wiser I am now to deal with what was when I won't need to deal with those same things anymore. It has been such a joyful journey raising these two incredible blessings God loaned to me.

It makes me wonder what is passing now that I don't realize, much as I didn't realize how quickly those years were going. I know I feel physically older than the calendar says I am, and I know how I want to work on that. I just wonder. I love my husband so much - he is truly my best friend, and I don't want to miss or waste time he and I can spend together. I know we are gifted to wake each day and be able to spend time with each other. I know we are gifted to like each other so much and love each other so deeply. I don't want to waste these days and years doing mindless things when we could be spending that time with each other.

I wonder if I will see grandparent-hood, and what will it hold for me. How much will I not know to enjoy or relish simply because, as people, we tend to live life each day - go through it - and enjoy it but not realize all each season means and holds until we are near its end. Oh how I wish my daddy were still here and my mother lucid enough to have these conversations with me and educate me. Their lives were so different than mine, yet I have to believe there is so much about which they could enlighten me through each season.

Here I grow again - wisdom after the ages.

There comes a time
when truth is really all there is
and facing up to it
is important

There comes a time
when truth is really all there is
and admitting it
is important

There comes a time
when truth is really all there is
and accepting it
is important

There comes a time
when truth is really all there is
and living it
is really all there is

Timely truth

I'd Rather Not Win

Winning - but with heart
Because winning without; it's
Not winning at all

Class Writing Exercise

I am

I am His and born of water
I wonder who I will see in Heaven
I see the waves of growth
I hear the ocean's call
I want to live by the water
I am His and born of water

I pretend I hear the crash, feel the spray, and smell the salt
I feel calmed by the power of the sea
I touch the sand and salt
I worry about missed blessings - mine and others'
I cry when I see people discount their worth
I am His and born of water

I understand so much more now than I did
I say I can make a difference in someone's life
I dream of writing with the tides
I try to explain why they are worth so much
I hope at least one knows
I am His and born of water

My Favorite Things - Haiku

Fresh squeezed orange juice
Many birds at the feeder
Simple pleasures - life.

Darkness fades to deep purple;
purple to red to pink
Finally pink adds orange with subtle tints of yellow, and
there lie the whispy, stretched out clouds -
flat, refusing to rise to begin the day
Similar to how I feel and what I wish I could do....
as I drive to work.

A Mother's Love

A Mother's Love - such a contrite and overused phrase, but as I have come to learn, it is also a totally misunderstood concept. There is more power in a mother's love than in water or wind. It is daunting to try to describe and even more so to understand when one is fully feeling all it encompasses. When I first gave birth, I knew I felt "a mother's love." That feeling and the power it elicited are so inconsequential to what I feel now, to what I felt the night I knew your life was not in my hands. Powerlessness is mighty powerful when it comes to a mother's love. The joy I feel when you are able to do something I can't or don't think of providing for you is powerful - a mother's love. The passion with which I pray for you is incredibly powerful - a mother's love. The sadness I feel when things don't go your way is monumental except I know you are building character and growing stronger, thus while I would want to take that disappointment, I love you much more than to remove the lesson - a mother's love. The hours I spend awake at night wondering different things about you are not so great a sacrifice, but they speak to the power of a mother's love. Getting through the next day still giving my best and doing all I can, speak even more fully of how powerful that love is. Watching your life unfold, I have tried to teach you all I can to fully handle all life will bring to you, yet the truth is, you are teaching me how to live life fully for feeling the power of a mother's love is something without which I would be incomplete and unfulfilled.