Friday, March 5, 2010

Here we grow again

Wow - so, I was sitting at home the other night just watching television - Parenthood, I think it was. All of a sudden I break down in tears, sobbing really, over the fact that my first born is graduating from college this May. I mean I am happy for him and excited for what the future holds. He is an incredible man. I was just mourning the loss of raising children. I have heard we never stop parenting and never stop caring, but it just hit me how much is gone, has flown by, and how much wiser I am now to deal with what was when I won't need to deal with those same things anymore. It has been such a joyful journey raising these two incredible blessings God loaned to me.

It makes me wonder what is passing now that I don't realize, much as I didn't realize how quickly those years were going. I know I feel physically older than the calendar says I am, and I know how I want to work on that. I just wonder. I love my husband so much - he is truly my best friend, and I don't want to miss or waste time he and I can spend together. I know we are gifted to wake each day and be able to spend time with each other. I know we are gifted to like each other so much and love each other so deeply. I don't want to waste these days and years doing mindless things when we could be spending that time with each other.

I wonder if I will see grandparent-hood, and what will it hold for me. How much will I not know to enjoy or relish simply because, as people, we tend to live life each day - go through it - and enjoy it but not realize all each season means and holds until we are near its end. Oh how I wish my daddy were still here and my mother lucid enough to have these conversations with me and educate me. Their lives were so different than mine, yet I have to believe there is so much about which they could enlighten me through each season.

Here I grow again - wisdom after the ages.